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17 Sep 09 - SpicaBooks.Com/Fun_Medical.html Medical Jokes
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Book Titles of "Medical Romances" * Twin Polyps * In the Heat of the Fever * Journey to the Center of the Left Ventricle * Brokeback Clinic * Seven Years Befor the Massive Heart Attack * Time Enough for Sutures * Far From the Maddening Brainstroke * Nausea Uprising * Remembrance of Gas Passed * Hurry Colon * Fahrenheit 104 * The Moon is a Harsh Hospital Gown | |||
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SEX THERAPIST A Florida couple, both well into
their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do
for you?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.
By patients during Colonoscopies Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (predominately male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay.
And the best one of all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up here. | |||
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New Element: Governmentium A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay but instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to as 'Critical Morass'. You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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